Changes.

I do not like them Sam I Am

I am not quick to embrace changes. I like my routine, I like what I know. But, as you know, in life there are inevitable changes. I get this. Life is beautiful. Little people turn into big people. Big people turn into old people. People are born and people die.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that change is o.k.

Like right now.

My life is going through a metamorphosis. I’m not complaining, it’s just the way it is. And for someone who does not embrace change, it’s what it feels like.

There have been deaths in my family. Major illnesses. Major surgeries. Houses lived in for decades being emptied and sold, my childhood home being one of them. Another life brought into our family. I turned 30-that’s a new decade for me! My little family is preparing to make a big move-our first move together.

And my doctor says I should buy myself new shoes.

Like the shoes I’ve been wearing for years that have served me so well are no longer good enough. Like I should just go out and replace them. Believe me, I’ve tried. I went to the store, I tried many pairs on. I even walked around the store wearing the top contender, but they just didn’t feel right. They weren’t my shoes. So, I left with nothing. Then I bought a pair online. I wasn’t sure about the fit, so I bought a second pair online to compare them. I returned them both.

Before you go accusing me of being dramatic, it’s not just one particular thing that is stressing me out. It’s that so much of it is happening together. Not buying new shoes is my way of controlling the one thing I can control right now. I’m able to keep one thing in my life unchanging. For now, I’ll take it.

Rory tries to reassure me. He says inspirational things like that one season of life has passed us and we are on to new adventures. That it will be beautiful. That it’s ok. And then I mumble something about how I liked things the way they were just fine thank you.

The truth is, I’m sad.

I am sad about the people who have left us. I’m sad about the people I love who are going through health issues. I’m sad that I can’t do anything to change those things. I’m sad about eventually leaving this home that brought my husband and I together, saw us through the last eleven years and caught all three of my beautiful babies as they made their way earth side. I’m sad that the house I grew up in is being sold. I’m sad that another family house that gathered four generations is being sold. And I’m sad that my oldest keeps asking me if he can be seven. He’s four, he’s not aloud to be seven yet, ok?! I’m just not ready for him to grow up and be a man. A man who grows a beard, gets married and leaves me to start his own family. And leaves me!

It’s ok to be sad, right?

I tell my kids that when they are sad, that it’s ok to be.

Sadness means that what we had must’ve been really beautiful. And loved.

I know I can look at this from a different perspective.

I am happy that the people who have left us are no longer suffering. I am happy the people going through health issues are getting treatment, finding answers and living their lives to the fullest. I am happy that my little family will be fulfilling a dream and expanding our homestead. I am happy for my parents who are fulfilling one of their dreams building their new house, and I’m happy that my childhood home is going to a nice family who will raise their children there, who will love it just as much as I did. I am happy that the three generations of us left will still get together for Christmas Eve somewhere and will still be a family. And I’m so very happy that my son has a cousin he loves so much that he wants to be just like him, seven.

All of these things are so beautiful.

It’s ok to let go and embrace the next chapter of my life.

And it’s ok to get new shoes.

I’ll admit, all of this change has left me struggling with anxiety. I know there is so much in my life that I have to be grateful for, and I am. But anxiety doesn’t make sense. It isn’t logical.

I’m determined to see myself through these changes without losing myself. Perhaps that’s why I started this blog. When I get stressed out, I tend to withdraw and then wallow in it. Well, I can’t really do that now when I’m sharing it publicly, now can I? Haha, take that me!

I also can’t be a very good blogger if I am not willing to put myself out there and be vulnerable, something that is very challenging for me. But here I am doing just that, sharing my insecurities with you.

If there is something going on in your life that is bringing you down, try looking at it from a different perspective. It may not fix the situation, but maybe it will bring you some comfort. Look for that silver lining.

Finding that has been the first step of my healing journey, and this blog is helping to shift my focus from what I can not change to what I CAN DO. What I can do is live my life and share my journey with others. What I can do is spread positivity in the world.

I would love to hear from you about something you are struggling with in your life and how you are coping with it. Hard times are made easier when we stick together.

I’m going to leave you with these inspirational quotes on change.

“All the trees are losing their leaves, and not one of them is worried.” — Donald Miller

“We all know that if the seasons were the same, there would be no growth. We know that without winter there would be no spring. We know that without frosts there would be no bulbs and without the monsoon there would be no rice harvest. In the same way, we also know that without sorrow there would be no joy. Without pain there would be no healing. I think that’s precisely where the beauty comes in. It comes in through the fruit of the seasons. He has indeed made everything beautiful in its time.”
― Naomi Reed, My Seventh Monsoon: A Himalayan Journey Of Faith And Mission

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.” —Anatole France

“Change is inevitable in life. You can either resist it and potentially get run over by it, or you can choose to cooperate with it, adapt to it, and learn how to benefit from it. When you embrace change you will begin to see it as an opportunity for growth.”
Jack Canfield

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
Brian Tracy

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